Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Lookin' Good

Luke has presented me with the most amazing pregnancy gift:

I love this book. It's full of 1987-tastic tips on everything from shopping for your new arrival:

To keeping active in the run-up to the birth:

To money-saving ideas. Glamorous indeed!

I think my favourite bits are the keep fit sections, though.

I particularly like this page, with its advice on "Testing for rectal separation". Had a go at this earlier. No idea whether I passed.

This is probably my favourite picture, though. For me it captures the real essence of the book, a message that echoes down through the ages from one generation of women to the next:

YES, you can be pregnant AND beautiful - even though you're knackered, fat and living under a Tory government!

Thanks Luke!

Friday, 8 April 2011

Best Laid Plans

Just two and a half months to go now. I'm not panicking. Plenty of time to buy all the things I haven't gotten around to purchasing yet, which is basically everything except several dozen babygros with cute ducks on.

People keep asking me if I have a Birth Plan. I do. It is this:

1. Go to hospital.

2. Have baby.

3. Er, that's it.

I have been offered the option of having a home birth, but this doesn't really appeal. I'd rather be where all the drugs and doctors and surgeons are, in a nice clean hospital bed. I imagine being hooked up to every available monitor with dozens of wires like in The Matrix, with computers keeping track of the baby's every movement and feeding live updates to my Facebook page.

I can't say I fancy the alternative much, i.e. lying on my DFS sofa screaming while Pete runs a Stanley knife under the tap.

People also keep asking me whether I'm getting excited yet. As I've been telling them, it's a bit like when you're a kid waiting for Christmas - there's that same sense of thrilling anticipation and joyful impatience, but with a twist.

You know you're going to have this amazing day where you receive this fantastic gift, but at the same time, you know you're going to have to spend the morning of that day being repeatedly stabbed in the genitals before you can open your presents.

Roll on 24th June.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

Big Problems

Pete continues to offer his unique brand of love and support. The other day I was feeling a bit down, having realised I'm now so big that putting my socks on is a struggle.

"I just feel MASSIVE," I said, gazing miserably at my stomach.

"Well," said Pete, placing an arm round my shoulders, "You're not small."

I decided to cheer myself up by researching baby fashion trends for autumn Y2K11. I think I've settled on a few key looks.