Tuesday, 22 February 2011

No Business Like Baby Show Business

On Saturday I went to the Baby Show at ExCeL.

Ostensibly this was to browse the wide range of baby-related products on offer and check out the latest developments in the field of birthing technology.

Actually, it was of course to take some stupid photos I could make snide comments about on this blog.

I did also test drive some pushchairs. It seems to me that buying a pushchair is just as important and complicated as buying a car, only more expensive.

Do I need adjustable handles? How many wheels? What about a reversible seat? Why do all these catalogues bang on about pushchairs which go "off-road", as if I am planning to wheel my baby up mountains and across the African savannah, instead of along pavements and round Lewisham Iceland?

I just want a pushchair that won't do things to my child's fingers which mean I end up on television in tears, being handed a tissue by Lynn Faulds Wood.

Anyway, here are the photos and the snide comments.

This was the first thing I saw when I walked into the Baby Show. What I like is the way it specifies that the surgeons are "experienced". Because you don't want to use one of those services where the surgeons have only done two circumcisions before and one of them was on work experience.

My instinct here was to keep the baby as far away from me as possible. If mine comes out like this I'm pushing it back in.

I'm pretty sure there's a branch of this in Soho.

See above.

Definitely getting this pushchair if the baby turns out to be a girl. Or a gay man.

It was about this point when I started to think, "Do I really need any of this **** in my house?"

The feeling showed no signs of abating as I continued my stroll around the show floor.

I think it was this which finally pushed me over the edge. I made my excuses and left.

I doubt I'll be going to any more baby shows in the near future. Unless they're actual shows with babies doing musical numbers and acrobatic tricks and stuff.


  1. I'm not sure I'd want my boy's circumcision done by Weebles, however experienced they might be.

  2. Am I the only person disappointed by the lack of rocket powered pushchairs with heat seeking laser beams mounted to the front?